voidseeing | IC inbox

[Too late! He already kind of burnt the shelf.

And then put it out with strawberry juice. ]

[OH FOR THE LOVE OF. He's going to clean that up before he goes back into the living room because he does not trust Shu to do anything right now.]

[While you do that he's going to sneak into your room and steal one of your coats.

Put it on and runs around the house. ]

[Gai is still occupied with cleaning up the kitchen mess that Shu made, so he won't even notice this unless Shu decides to come see what he's up to...]

[If Gai listens carefully enough he can hear horrible impressions of himself coming out of Shu.]

Alright everyone. The operation is tomorrow night and we have 137 plans to memorize.

REST IN BED IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

[Oh no Shu...stop..]

[... Shu this is just sad.]

It was 145 plans. Don't imitate me if you can't even get that much right.

I want to become you.

Why can't I?

[That might have been more blunt than usual for him, but hey he's drunk.]

[Hearing that is at once a surprise to him and not, and he can't help but think how ironic it is that now Shu is the one who wants to be like him rather than the other way around. Not that Shu remembers any of that at all.]

... you can become me any time you want.

[He knows that this Shu hasn't heard him say those words yet, but it can't hurt to say them again anyway.]

It's impossible for me.

After all you're someone who matters.

I'm just me. Nothing else.

[At least he's being honest. Not that he'll remember anything ever.]

In the end, that's all you need to be.

[Because Shu had pulled through when it was needed most, not that he knows it.]

That can't be right.

I need to be stronger than this. I hate myself sometimes because I can't accomplish anything the way you do.

[He's being too honest. Normally he'd hide this from Gai, but nope. Not this time. Too much alcohol.]

[Gai sets down the cloth he was using to clean up the kitchen mess and walks over to where Shu is standing in the doorway; then, without any sort of warning, he lifts his hand up to rest it on Shu's hair in an awkward sort of pat.]

There are a lot of things you can - maybe even should - hate yourself for, but that isn't one of them.

[ ~~bad touch~~ That actually surprises him. Gai what are you doing?]

Then what should I hate myself for?

Hate yourself for your hesitation and self-doubt. It's only when you let go of those that you're able to accomplish anything.

But I'm not confident in anything.

What if what I do ends up affecting the lives of other people? If people die because of my mistakes I wouldn't be able to take it.

Everything you do ends up affecting the lives of other people, whether you know it or not. It's impossible to live without influencing others and being influenced by them. That's what makes us human.

It's not okay if they die because of it.

That's just crazy.

[Okay you know what lifting his hand up now and just bonking Shu on the head.]

I never said that people dying was a good thing. But if you allow that fear to paralyze you, even more people may die because of your inaction.

That still doesn't discount the possibility of choosing something that'll end up doing more damage.

I don't want to be responsible for it. Not when I'm not prepared to face the consequences.

Then let me be the one to take that responsibility. I'll face all of the consequences-- that's part of what being a leader means. If you aren't ready to accept that, you aren't ready to be a leader.

You can't.

I won't let you do that.

[Abruptly.]

That's too many burdens for one person.

Shu...

[For the briefest moment, he looks taken aback...]

[... and then he just closes his eyes with a little smile.]

Yes, just like that. You're fine the way you are right now.

[That makes him feel a little better about himself but at the same time he can't accept this.

Not being confident and being socially awkward has it's blunders. Shu dislikes those aspects of himself and he thinks for a moment that he should be better than that.

Instead of complaining he just nods.]

Gai.

What makes you say that?

[He wants to know! It would be unlike Gai to say things without a reason anyways.]

Have you forgotten? I'm from your future. I've seen what you're capable of.

[Of course he has a reason. Gai has a reason for everything he does. Now whether or not he'll explain what happened... probably not.]

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